Guys, we think we have the goals thing nailed, right? We have been out making it happen for thousands of years.
Well, it seems women have learned a few things staying home taking care of the family. According to an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer an international survey of 4,690 people by Leadership IQ, a Washington, D.C. based consulting firm discovered, “Men more actively visualize goals, though women tend to care more about theirs. And while women are more likely to procrastinate, they also set more ambitious goals than men to begin with.”
Because women are more emotionally committed than men, they’re more likely to stick to their goals when the going gets tough. “They have an intrinsic motivation. Even when the initial motivation is extrinsic – my boss told me to do this – women figure out a way to build in personal incentives,” says Mark Murphy, founder and CEO of Leadership IQ and author of “HARD Goals: The Secret to Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be” (McGraw-Hill, 2010).
Emotions can be the key to a goal’s success
I know with myself and the many men I have worked with that we might be able to envision a goal, but if the emotion is not there we are much less likely to achieve it. It is the emotion that fuels achievement.
As men we can be emotionally deficient. It is not that we don’t have them, we do. It is that we are trained to not feel them or express them. Every week in our groups there is at least one man who connects with his suppression of emotions and often the goal associated with those emotions. Just this week a man came back transformed. A week ago he was trapped in his repression of his emotions. From the work he did in the group he came back impassioned. His past week was one success after another.
It is easy
We make it harder than it needs to be. I know this one. As men we keep pushing to achieve. If we feel and express we stop swimming upstream. When we allow our emotions to be felt and expressed all that repressed energy starts working for us. Yes, it can be a little scary and out of control… but isn’t that what we like – excitement?
Stop resisting. Surrender to your emotions, your passion and your caring. Feel it, speak it and act on it. It can be hard to speak and own what you care about. What is closer to you than your deep purpose? The deeper or more passionate your goal is, the scarier it is to go public with it. Coming out of the closet with what you want is an act of courage and faith. Women know how to do it around their children. You can do around your goals.
As the article says, “Pursuing a goal without an emotional connection can lead to wavering.” The article goes on to suggest that men should create “social accountability” for their goals. I would like to point out that other research suggests that your accountability be with other men and women who support you and your goals. Men will often find support and accountability with others who are threatened by or not supportive of their success. That never works.
Our groups are powerful in part because we want each man to succeed. We conspire for each man’s success. We will speak the truth the man doesn’t what to hear as well as express the love he has difficultly hearing so he can get what he wants. With that radical support you are more likely to succeed.
Focus on your emotional power
As a man your ability to focus and visualize is your inherent power; apply that to your emotions. Focus on your emotions like you do your images. At first there will be resistance, fear and thoughts like, “I don’t need to do this.” Keep your focus on that next feeling. First, you may feel all the feelings that are blocking you… good. Feel them, release them. After the layers of the old emotional blocks melt away you will begin to feel more of the emotional passion.
That passion will fuel your goal. It will be the emotional ‘why’ for your goal
The more you do this, the easier and quicker it is the next time. Eventually, you will find that your passion is immediately felt and expressed. No, you won’t turn into a woman. You will be a powerful man equally focused on his image as well as his feelings about what he wants. As a side note, women love that passion.
How will you use your emotions the way you use your images to succeed?