Being Relational
A successful executive executes. A successful man leads himself and others through connection.
As men, we are trained to be rational. We need to be rational if we are coding or designing a bridge. To get the best out of a relationship or a team, we need to discover how to connect with others authentically. We need to be relational. At the same time, we are trained to not connect emotionally to ourselves or to others – that is the problem.
Science tells us that humans are hardwired for emotional connection. Our upbringing as men discourages us from using — let alone developing — our innate relationship skills.
We Hunger for Connection
Men generally come to me because their primary relationships are not where they want them to be. Their career success is not matched at home. How can you expect it to be when we have rarely seen successful relationships?
Despite what may feel like a failure, we long for our vision of a relationship where being with our partner gives us energy. Using the principles and skills developed for EVRYMAN and now MELD coaching, and through training thousands of men over two decades, we see men use their physiology to guide themselves to connect to their own experiences and to others.
The Evolution of MELD Coaching
I had the good fortune to train with and often teach with leaders in the fields of somatic and relationship therapies back in the late 1970s and 1980s. Ron Kurtz and Peter Levine, Ph.D., taught me how to use body awareness as a powerful yet gentle way to produce significant change. Over the past five years, I have been lucky to work with Sue Johnson, Ph.D., and Ester Perel, two masters in relationship therapy.
Melding what these masters taught me with tens of thousands of hours training and working 1:1 with clients, I discovered how to expedite sustainable change for men. This led to training coaches and therapists in basic and postgraduate MELD Method skills and MELD Coaching.
The Evolution of a New Somatic Model
Melding research and the wisdom of others discovered by 10,000 hours of participation in men’s groups led me to write Grow Up, A Man’s Guide to Emotional Masculine Intelligence. The book lays out the nine phases of our development. Because of stress, trauma, lack of connection, or our cultural upbringing, we did not fully experience these phases. The gaps become repetitious traps. Filling the gaps with the needed experiences can quickly enable you to succeed where you have been failing.
My Somatic Coaching training began in 1978 with Ron Kurtz, who developed Hakomi and then Hakomi Coaching. Later, I integrated my years of training with Peter Levine and his Somatic Experience somatic psychotherapy into a body-based physiological approach. My somatic training led me to study how the unconscious can enhance sustainable change. After several years of studying Ericksonian Hypnosis with Stephan Gilligan, PhD, my effectiveness improved. Enrolling the body and the unconscious mind in the change process is much like upgrading your phone by several generations.
After decades of honing my somatic coaching techniques, I realized a longstanding vision by launching a professional coaching program designed specifically for men, utilizing a unique approach I developed, the EVRYMAN Method. This program, which evolved over three cohorts, comprises over a hundred comprehensive lessons that delve into personal growth, complemented by both virtual and in-person trainings where participants fully engage with the material. I had the privilege of training a cadre of trainers, who co-facilitated the EVRYMAN Coach program along with other courses. We successfully trained nearly a hundred men, many of whom have since forged thriving careers as a Coach. The foundational Training program I initially created to certify EVRYMAN Coaches has now been integrated and expanded into what is today known as the MELD Integrated Training. We go beyond the traditional somatic coaching to teach skills that are useful in business settings.
Relational Executive Coaching in Business
Within the vast panorama of leadership, imagine it as both a science marked by reliable rules and an art, defined by the subtle dance of relationships. This is the stage on which I place MELD Relational Executive Coaching. Drawing from a wellspring of experience and unique training, I’ve guided senior managers from industry behemoths such as IBM and Google and ambitious members of the Entrepreneur’s Organization (EO).
This approach, relational leadership, has been my cornerstone, a concept often overlooked in the conventional corridors of executive coaching. I saw something missing while studying multiple coaching, therapy, and leadership approaches. The best analysis or plan will not succeed if the team members are disconnected. We’ve demonstrated how this unique approach fosters authentic and effective leadership. By emphasizing somatic awareness, authenticity, and presence, I help transform clients from mere commanders into lighthouses, illuminating the way for their teams.
Consider leading a team where trust isn’t a luxury, but the very foundation, where every individual feels seen, heard, and validated. This leadership style cultivates a culture of mutual respect, compassion, and acceptance, providing fertile ground for innovation and commitment. As a result, the managers under my coaching have seen a significant boost in their leadership acumen and their teams’ performance, leading to comprehensive organizational growth. Relational Executive Coaching transcends beyond professional boundaries. It’s about transforming you not just into a more effective leader but being your own man, deeply connected, compassionate, and influential. This is your chance to inspire, to lead with compassion, and to genuinely make a difference.
First and foremost, I cannot begin to express how deeply I appreciate the guidance and support you’ve offered me over the past months. With your help, I’ve navigated both personal and work-related challenges in ways I couldn’t have imagined before. Your influence has been invaluable in shaping my journey toward self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
I’ve noticed a palpable change in my ability to identify and understand my emotions. More importantly, expressing them—whether in a personal or professional setting—no longer feels as daunting as it once did. This growth, I believe, is a testament to our time together and the techniques you’ve introduced me to.
Adam Heitzman Managing Partner – HigherVisibility
A Life Worth Living
There is no magic pill. Removing your limitations and using emotions to connect shifts your foundation. We realize that running around addressing the latest symptom does not work. It is not working harder – it is working with new plans and tools.
At the end of the day, do you feel alone? Find your joy, passion, and hope again. Get unstuck to begin living a life of substance.
Let’s Get to Work
You have accomplished a lot by stretching yourself. Now, you are up against something you cannot get through on your own. Your smarts and hard work are not giving you all that you want. It’s not you; it’s the tools others gave you.
I enjoy seeing men get more than they want and then growing their success on their own. If you feel MELD Coaching may help you, fill out this short questionnaire below via the free consultation button. I hope to be talking with you soon.
A Personal Intensive
For the adventurous man — or maybe for the man who does not want to wait – we offer the Body of Work personal Intensive.
Master Your Emotions
How many times have someone or you said that?
Men often come to us wanting to control their emotions. They quickly learn that their lives and relationships aren’t working because emotions don’t like being controlled. Sure, you don’t want to go around reacting. Yet, there is another path.
How about if you address what drives the reactions? How about if you discover a better way to move that energy? There are ways that brings more of what you and others want.
It feels risky to push the button.
Beyond knowing others were helped, it still takes courage to pursue getting out of what’s not working for a better place.
The men I work with are regular guys who often try other methods but are not where they want to be. They range from plumbers to CEOs. We all need help developing skills no one taught us.
Read about my approach to change.
Fill out a brief questionnaire to schedule a free consultation. I look forward to connecting with you.