The good news with being hardwired to connect is that with the proper guidance, a man can quickly develop the necessary skills he was not able to create as a kid. Research over the last 50 years tells us that we need authentic connections as humans. Without real connection, our nervous system becomes stressed. We’ve become so accustomed to it, we don’t realize we are in some form of our survival response. When we have authentic connections, our bodies relax and heal.
The first step in down-regulating the stress response that we have accepted as the norm is to train our bodies to be as good at being present as they have become at being stressed. So often we are told to relax only to feel we have failed at another skill.
Over many years of study and working with thousands of men, EVRYMAN discovered how to weave science and simple practices to create a powerful approach to developing sustainable connections. The support and feedback from other men become key in achieving what was not possible as a child or an adult.
I never intended to work with men. I never intended to work on my connection skills.
Only after a series of unsatisfying relationships was my dissatisfaction strong enough for me to do what I resisted doing: sitting in a men’s group to learn to develop my relationship skills. I immediately realized that I was not the only one struggling. Then, to my surprise, I found myself enjoying sharing with and listening to other men.
I took my decades of postgraduate training with Ron Kurtz and Peter Levine, Ph. D., and other developers of new fields of psychotherapy to create a model that works for men. We use our innate ability to heal when we step out of a habitual stress response. Stephan Porges, Ph. D., work with co-regulation teaches us that when we interact with a relaxed person, we become relaxed.
The first group that met in my clinic in Scottsdale, AZ, in 1995 evolved into several groups in California and Idaho until I decided to design a new model that I hoped would give me what I realized was missing in my previous groups. Using everything I learned from recent research and my clinical experience, I invited eleven men to my new group in February 2005.
The eleven men of the Sandpoint Men’s Group grew to an alumnus of over 400 men, with 40+ men currently participating in four groups in a town of 8,000 people. The success of this model led to EVRYMAN, of which I have had the honor to co-found and serve as the Director of Education and Development.
I continue to develop what is now the “EVRYMAN Method” as we apply it to helping men in groups, trainings, and coaching. Because it is not a model of how you should be as a man, but a set of advanced tools you apply as you wish, men succeed and tell their friends about it. Our growing success and media attention have led us to work with organizations including municipal governments and large tech companies.
Men and institutions realize that when men can reset their physiology back to what it should be, we change how we experience the world and how the world experiences us.