Macho is dead—but so is the nice guy.
Our new masculinity is something between the two: a man who can be emotionally demonstrative, and still stand strong as a man. It’s a man who can cherish his woman and say no to her. It’s a man who adores his woman, and also has a life beyond his relationship.
Do you know a man like this? Until recently, the answer would probably have been no. Yet today there are more and more men evolving into this new paradigm of masculinity. As much as our fathers loved us, they didn’t teach us this, or model this paradigm for us. So now, we’re teaching each other.
We take workshops, get coached, read websites, join men’s groups, read books, talk to each other about this, search out new role models. We’re teaching ourselves to be Remarkable Men.
The new macho
For hundreds—if not thousands—of years, men in Western culture were told to be tough: don’t show your feelings. That’s a good thing in battle; it’s not a good thing in relationships. As we realized we want more from our relationships, we looked for new ways to be in relationships. Other men didn’t know, so we looked to women: they seemed to have something we didn’t have, so we modeled them.
We learned to be sensitive men. We learned to feel and express our emotions. We even learned to be overwhelmed by these emotions. Often, we collapsed into these emotions.
Eventually, we learned that being emotional like women is not masculine. Then we panicked, feeling damned if we did and damned if we didn’t. Emotionally, we froze.
Finally, someone asked, how does a man stay a man while expressing his emotions? But there were no men modeling this. What’s a guy to do?
You’ll learn through trial and error. Over the last decade, I have seen a wave of men learning to stand in their emotions and not collapse. These men can feel and express and still get the job done. They are sensitive and tough at the same time. They are expressive macho men.
Use the links and resources mentioned on this site to guide you into finding what it means for you to be this new macho man. Men’s groups can be the fast track to creating this new paradigm within you.
How could this new macho show up in your life?