It’s not you, men. For women, happiness comes from how they experience life. Marcus Buckingham and his team polled thousands of women to discover what made them happy. He found that women’s happiness comes from focusing on the moments rather than the goals, plans or dreams. Focusing on the moments means being present. And men, women know when a man is present. If you want to attract a woman, and help keep her happy while she’s with you, be present.
Buckingham states it well:
When you commit your life to being true to yourself, you are not committing to some far-flung destiny, some grand dream, or some disembodied list of values, no matter how worthy. Instead you are committing to the truth embodied in this strong moment, the truth that this specific moment, for no rational reason, energizes you.
This phenomenon holds true for men too, though. We all experience a deeper and richer life when we are present. Stress is often the effect of not being present. Our bodies know when we are being incongruent with what we want and what we are doing. To deal with the incongruity we learned to check out. The problem is, we often don’t check back into our bodies, or back into the moment.
Have you ever been out to dinner with you wife or girlfriend, and she’s talking away, and you’re thinking about work? She gets your attention by saying, “Hello! Where ARE you?” That’s a great way to drive a woman away—by never being present with her. Learn to enjoy the little moments with her, and it will create an unbreakable bond.
We read books that tell us how to get things done, how to live our dreams, or how to change our habits to be better people. We often succeed at our goals–but are we happier?
Ok, you might be thinking, “Being in the moment might work better than all the other techniques I’ve tried, but how do I do it?” Unfortunately, none of us in this culture were taught how to be present.
One way to be present is incredibly simple: breathe. Years ago, my business partner and I ran a mindfulness stress reduction company in Phoenix. During the eight-week course, we taught people to relax by teaching them to feel their bodies through breathing. As they hoped, their stress was significantly reduced. What really amazed them, though, was that they were happier—not just less stressed, but truly happier in all aspects of their lives. Because they were finally present.
I don’t teach the classes any more. I do have a blog that assist readers in reducing their stress and teaching them to use the power the breath: www.stressedout.org.
If you want to be happier, be more present. If you want to be more present, experience your body – breathe. As simple as it sound, it works. If you want to attract the “right people” to you, be present. If you want fulfilling relationships, be present. Simple.