Just as fear can freeze us, so can shame. The shame from regret will freeze us. Regrets can keep us stuck in the past just like unfelt fear and grief. We are very familiar with sadness as one of …
Co-regulation – Your Secret to Connection
I grew up aspiring to do things myself – isn’t that what men do? Along with not feeling and certainly not showing my emotions, I worked at being self-reliant. To ask for help was showing weakness. …
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Where Are You on the Alexithymia Scale?
The first time I read about alexithymia -- difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses -- I laughed. Now they have a diagnosis for being a normal man. Then I thought …
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The Arc of Change Part 2
In the previous post, we discussed separation, the first of three stages of change. Here we will move into the second stage, transition, or as others call it, …
I Think, Therefore I am
I grew up telling myself that my feelings were not important -- that no one cared how I felt. Taught that even thinking a bad thought was a sin, I believed that my hell was my fault. If it was going …
Projection — How to Transform Them
Twenty-five years ago, getting pissed off sitting in a Sweat Lodge next to a man who could not sit still, I thought, “WTF, can’t this man just relax?”. It took everything I had not to say something – …