1. Women don’t want real men.
Women want men who will risk not being wanted.
2. I’ll work on it later.
The longer the wait, the harder the work and the greater the grief for missed opportunities. Start now. You can do it.
3. Women want a macho man.
They want a man who can stand on his own man.
4. I won’t be ‘sensitive’.
You don’t need to be sensitive – just express what you feel.
5. I’m too run down.
What in your life is sucking your energy – leave it or change it. Stop abusing your body. Get good sleep. Eat well. Get bodywork and see a holistic health practitioner.
6. All women want is a man for sex.
A woman will want only sex if she thinks that’s the best she can do – show her there’s more.
7. I’m too ADD to focus on something new.
Don’t focus on it, just go out and start doing it. Being ADD is having more energy than the circumstance needs. Find venues where what you are doing matches your energy.
8. I don’t know anyone whom I respect as a role model.
Begin with respecting yourself. Change your circles and behavior. Take classes, join groups, change jobs, move – do things that put you with different people.
9. I’m not a family man.
OK. You don’t need to be a husband or father to be Remarkable. Yet, if you want to be either, start being Remarkable.
10. I will never find a partner.
With that attitude you won’t. First, start finding in yourself some of the qualities you want in a woman, such as understanding and appreciation.
11. No one taught me how to be a man.
Most men weren’t taught. Learn from hanging with men who have what you want. Be willing to learn through experience and mistakes. You will learn.
12. Women hate men.
There are many who love men.
13. Real men are shot.
It’s true some of our most remarkable men were killed. Your remarkableness will likely not get you killed, more likely it will have you honored.
14. I don’t matter.
That is what someone told you directly or unconsciously – it’s not true!
15. I’m angry at how men are treated.
Focus on what is good in you as a man – then share that with others.
16. I have generations of men behind me telling me how to be a man.
For centuries men have moved further away from the most precious masculine qualities such as honor and holding space with emotional courage. Change the future, be your own man.
17. My wife wouldn’t love me.
You do risk upsetting the apple cart. Yet what you risk gaining in intimacy and love is worth the risk – start speaking your emotional truth. Speak less of your anger, more your fears, wants and grief.
18. I’m stuck.
Back up – then move forward. Go into what you are resisting, feel it, own it, share if need be… then move forward unencumbered.
19. It’s just not worth it.
Going for Remarkable is work. Do you really have a choice? The most difficult part is getting started. It will get easier.
20. My kids would reject me.
You might not be the dad that shows love through giving things. You will learn to just be with your kids. That is the gift they crave and the one you likely didn’t get.
21. I can’t or won’t do what it takes to have a man’s body.
Good. Do what it takes to have a healthy body.
22. I’m not interested in sex.
OK. Are your vibrant? If not, do what you need to be, and then see if you’re interested.
23. I don’t have good friends.
Many men don’t have friends they can call in the middle of the night when there is an emergency or a huge win. Find a place that allows for you to develop close relationships with others.
24. I don’t have the support I need.
Get it. There are free men’s groups around the world (see: www.mencorps.org). If you can’t find one – start one.
25. I don’t have the space to explore.
Eliminate what is taking energy from you – now you have space.
26. Other men are better than me.
They are… at certain activities. Yet no one will be better at being you, so get off your ass and start being the man you’re meant to be.
27. To ‘study’ to be a man is silly.
Didactic learning stops with your head. Go out – experiment and practice. Embody your learning.
28. All I really want is….
Let your desires and goals be the carrot that keeps you moving forward. To discover there is more to life than goals you need to achieve a few goals.
29. It’s selfish to develop as a man.
It’s selfish and irresponsible not to. Not only are you limiting yourself, you are limiting those you care about by being less than that man you dream of being.
30. I have bad luck.
We all do. “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”- Seneca, Roman dramatist, philosopher, & politician
31. Once I…then I…
A conditional life is a life not lived.
32. No one appreciates me.
It will be difficult for others to appreciate and love you more than you appreciate and love yourself. Start with one aspect of yourself that you like, develop that aspect. Just taking risks with it will have you appreciating yourself.
33. Men are crude.
Yes we are. Own the part of you that is primitive. You don’t need to be rude, but you do have a rough side. Let it show.
34. I have enough I’m dealing with now.
Part of being Remarkable is being better able to handle stress. It might mean saying no more often. It could mean slowing down. You could develop a mindfulness practice that will teach you how to do both.
35. I must follow all rules.
If that is your mission in life, you are a robot. Do those rules serve you and support you in being a better man?
36. I don’t have money.
If that is a conscious choice, great. If you want to change it, just start moving in that direction. Movement will beget more movement and pride.
37. I would look like a fool changing.
Then be cool – risk and screw up.
38. I don’t want to commit to a relationship.
Then don’t. Commit to being honest first with yourself, then with your partners.
39. I can’t let go…
Then there is an emotion you are holding on to. Do what you need to let go of that emotion, then you will be able to let go.
40. I’m too old.
To do what? Yes, it might be too late to enlist in the Marines. You’re not too old to start being the man you’ve wanted to be.
41. I’m hungry…
Fill your body with food that nourishes you. Don’t let food be the distraction from what you feel and need to do.
42. I’m too young.
…not to be the man you want to be. Use your energy, passion and innocence to go out and experience life. Take risks. Learn.
43. Disagreements aren’t good.
I disagree. Avoiding them isn’t good. Otherwise, they lead to truth and self expression. Don’t let the fear to speak your truth stop you.
44. I have too much to risk.
Then you’re trapped. Take small steps toward what you want, and ask what you can give away to create more space to take the risks you need to take.
45. I’m horny…
So do something about it. We were given that drive not only for procreating, we were given it so that we’d get off our asses to go out and meet women.
46. Avoid mistakes.
No! Accept them, let go of them, and then take a new action. If you’re not making mistakes you’re not learning or living.
47. I can’t have your back.
Can you have your own? Can you stand up for yourself? You will never fully have another man’s back, until you can have your own.
48. Truth has a price.
It does. You may lose relationships that are based on lies.
49. I can’t ask for help.
Start by asking sales clerks for help. Work up to asking for help for your life.
50. It’s just too hard…
Quit… if it’s too hard because it’s not right. Get help, if it’s what you need or want to do.
51. I’m not…
You may never be, but until you act you can’t truly say you aren’t someone.
52. It’s a waste of time developing who I am as a man.
The only waste is you wasting away. You will not achieve every goal – that’s not the purpose. The purpose is to live your purpose.
53. I can read about it, but learning the skills and traits is different.
Yes it is. It involves risk, practice, mistakes and occasionally success.
54. I don’t stick to things.
Maybe you are doing the wrong things, or you let your fears take you out. As you breathe and act, let your fears be there with you. Start with one, every day take one little action.
55. I have other priorities.
Are they serving you?
56. What difference will it make?
Nothing unless you risk, act and get yourself back up.
57. My word will change.
Only if your truth changes.
58. I have to stay at my job, even if I don’t like it.
Are you a victim? You may feel victimized. Yet, I expect there are actions you can take to slowly move yourself to a new place. In taking one action you stop being a victim.
59. I can’t find my way out of the woods.
Learn how to read nature. Learn how to always know how to get home. Your life may depend upon it.
60. My parents didn’t know what they were doing.
Whose did? All our parents were learning on the job. We get to pick up where they left off with ourselves and our kids.
61. I avoid pain.
Good. Bad, if it keeps you from tackling the right action.
62. I was raised by women.
Most of us have been, seek out men to teach you what you missed.
63. There’s nothing worth dying for.
OK. What is worth living for? If you don’t have it – find it. Work at excavating your passion.
64. A woman’s beauty is in how she looks.
You’re a sucker. You bought what the media told you. Actually that statement says much more about you than women. Start discovering what beauty lies beneath your surface.
65. If someone asks me, I need to say yes.
You will when being liked is more important than being true.
66. I come from a poor and deprived background.
Well, you know how to survive. Now expand that skill to succeeding.
67. I don’t like things like Sweat Lodges.
Live dangerously, experience life outside your norm.
68. I only spend time with people who are fun and can help me.
You’re imploding. You’re inbreeding. And you’re a bore.
69. I only date women who are in my league.
Experience life – date outside your league. Experience beauty in new ways.
70. I just address what needs to be fixed.
Until the underlying cause is shifted, you will continue to have problems. Find the time and courage to shift the cause.
71. I don’t hang out with kids.
You’re missing one of the greatest joys of life and your best teachers. Let go, hang with a kid, be a kid for an hour.
72. When I’m in doubt – I leave.
Then, you are checked out. When you want to leave, breathe and feel what is having you want to leave. If it is fear to stay present – then stay. If it doesn’t feel right – leave.
73. Needing help is bad.
No, it’s human.
74. There’s only one way, the right way.
If that’s your motto, you are screwing up a lot. First, whose ‘right’ is it? Second, you are another lemming going off the cliff with the rest.
75. There’s always a drug I can take.
Avoidance is an option. It is also not living.
76. I don’t go to events alone.
You’re missing opportunities to expand who you are and meet new people.
77. I don’t know how to install a light switch.
Develop a few simple home repair skills – you’ll feel more like a man.
78. It’s more important to serve others than be concerned about being a man.
Compassion and generosity are great qualities when you aren’t giving away who you are to be liked.
79. The church doesn’t accept men standing up.
Christ, Buddha and others fought the norm… you can too, if that’s your calling.
80. What value do I offer as a man?
Your greatest value is risking being the man you want to be – you make it safe and model for others when you stand up.
81. I made a vow not to change.
Limiting vows are made in times of crisis as a way to survive – renegotiate the vow, go for what would best serve you and others.
82. I must be in control.
First, you aren’t. Second, you are wasting a hell of a lot of energy and time to suppress a fear. Third, you are missing the biggest thrill of life – dealing with life as it happens.
83. My friends and family wouldn’t accept me if I change.
Leave them. …well, risk losing their relationships as you know them. Often, your relationships will transform when you transform.
84. I’m afraid to change.
So is every man. Feel the fear and step forward. The more you feel it and the more you risk, the less it will hold on.
85. Who cares if I become a man?
Others usually won’t say they care. Yet you risk depriving your partner, your children and any relationship you want to impact.
86. Don’t fix something that’s not broken.
Grow what is not excelling. Raise your bar; go for generating a life that makes a difference.
87. I would blow away people.
Great! Blow away the deadwood. Create space for those who benefit from you and support you.
88. I have PTSD.
You can begin to heal it by mindfully risking. Take small risks, feel the fear, anger and sadness… keep moving forward. Check out leading edge ways to heal PTSD.
89. I don’t have a man’s body.
If you are a man, you have a man’s body. You may not have the body in the magazines – burn the magazines.
90. I would never fast.
Develop appreciation by removing food, drink, sex, TV,etc… from your life for a short period of time. See what fills the voids.
91. I would never get a massage.
You are missing out on one of the greatest pleasures of life. Experience pleasure through your body that goes beyond, food, sex and sports.
92. I don’t know where to go to learn to be a man.
Find men that have the qualities you want, hang with them. Join or start a men’s group.
93. If only that she would…
Your hatred is harming you more than her. OK, you’re angry. You were mistreated. As long as you make choices based on other people’s behavior, they own you. Do what you need to let go of the woman. Then, study the practice of compassion.
94. That takes too long and is too much work.
What else are you doing?
95. I’m uneducated.
You are at an advantage. You have less to unlearn to be a remarkable man.
96. Learning something completely new is a waste of time.
It is if you want to rot away. Let’s get honest, it’s scary. Not only will you decline in value in the market place, you will implode with ignorance. Learn to use your mind, body, and heart.
97. I have a sexual dysfunction.
Every man does at sometime. Yours might be more frequent. If it’s erectile dysfunction – improve your circulation with diet, supplements and exercises. For all, slow down and relax.
98. I’m too tired.
Do what you need to get the rest you need. Eat well, and avoid refined foods. Move your body every day, even if it’s a short walk.
99. I don’t own ‘man toys’.
Good, then they don’t own you.
100. If I shift how I’m being a man, I might lose my job.
Start working towards getting a new job. No man should be held hostage.
101. I’ll get to it when I have more time.
Start with five minutes a day. Read one article that takes you closer. Then slowly start implementing what you read— start risking and investing yourself.
102. It will take too long for men to learn, or change.
Only if we do it ‘like we are told’. Break out of your boxes. Step into being who you want to be. As you do that you will meet other men who are doing it, then you will see change can be quick.
103. It’s too hard to develop to be the man I want to be.
It is difficult. I know you can move close to that man through risking losing what you have now for the unknown. As scary as it may be, it’s the only way to live life.
104. Being a man isn’t something you learn.
You don’t learn it from a book. You learn it from other men. If you haven’t had those men in your life, find them. The best place to find them is a men’s group. Once you see what you want… go out and practice.
105. No matter how good I am at being a man – someone is better.
…At being their own man. Others will possess skills, knowledge and gifts that you don’t have. They don’t have your genes, history or gifts.
106. I don’t know where to start.
You start where you are right now. It’s like untying a knot; you keep pecking at it until it’s untied.
107. I am afraid to talk about it.
Then, start writing it. Find one person to tell what you need to speak. Keep speaking until you don’t need to any longer.
108. I would rather hang out with my family.
Being with family is great, as long as it’s supporting you. If it’s your excuse or your ball and chain – get out.
109. One day….
Use the ones that move you. Share with your friends. Let me know what I left out that should be included.
Photo by goingslo