As you grow as a man, you step out of the old model of what it is to be a man, and into the new model of masculinity. It can be a hard battle – you must fight your own beliefs as well as the culture’s expectations of you.
The most insidious—and certainly most entrenched—aspect is how you were trained to focus on external achievements at the cost of your soul. The three key pillars of our acculturated masculinity are:
You are told to believe these three pillars of masculinity will make you truly, deeply happy. And they do bring pleasure, as they should, but the limitation comes when they are not linked to deeper qualities. Sex without love, toys without joy, and money without purpose become addictive escapes.
A way out
The way out is to go in. Rather than focus solely on the external, as you orient yourself more towards your internal experiences and wants, you begin to set yourself free. Behind those three false pillars of masculinity is a deep need waiting to be expressed. Allow those feelings associated with these needs to be felt and expressed.
Allow your need for sex to express your need for love and intimacy. New toys can help you have as much fun as you did when you were a kid. Your drive for money can be your salvation, revealing the need within you to have a life of purpose.
Those three arenas of distraction can become the three guides to your new paradigm of masculinity. As you reorient, find other teachings and men who are traveling a similar path. They are out there, and we need to do it together. It takes a community to grow a man – you don’t need to do it alone.
This past September I participated in the Evolving Men’s Conference, coordinated by Jayson Gaddis, for the leaders in this new masculine paradigm. For several days, 40 men and half dozen women discussed what was next. A major outcome of the conference was the creation of the Global Men’s Network, lead by Chris Kyle.
Hugo Schwyzer calls Barack Obama an example of a new masculinity. David Deida explains that Obama represents the new paradigm by being more feminine, as Hillary Clinton is the example of the feminine becoming more masculine. The old model is crumbling. Allow it to crumble for you, letting go of what doesn’t serve you. Collaborate with other men and women to help tear down the old pillars so we can erect a new paradigm.
How are you stepping out of your old limiting paradigm?