What is one of the hardest things you do in life? Some might say create a satisfying relationship.
Maybe you read blogs and books, take workshops and ask friends how to win at relationships. Or maybe you just muddle through them on your own.
Improve Your Relationship
There is a lot of well-meaning advice out there teaching everything from learn how to compromise to do MDA together. Many will produce some immediate change. Few will produce lasting change. And fewer will take your relationship deeper allowing you to truly improve your relationship.
We are a culture of the quick fix. We want the pill that will relieve all pain and cure the problem. At least for relationships, there is no such pill.
There is a simple action you can take to connect to your partner, so both of you grow closer: it’s showing up by being connected to your own experience.
Few of us were encouraged, either by society or our families, to be aware of our bodies or emotions. But even if we are, we aren’t necessarily taught how to share these emotions effectively.
Not only does that not serve us, but it also does not serve our partner. Over the last couple of decades working with couples and men, various individuals have come up to us to thank us for the changes they see in their partners. We didn’t teach these individuals how to be emotional. They simply learned how to show up as emotionally intelligent people.
Connection: The Short Course
In these groups we don’t teach people–we support people through their individual journeys of developing Emotional Intelligence.
Essentially, we guide people to become aware of what they are feeling physically and emotionally at any given moment. Once connected to their own experience, they open further to become vulnerable to the other people in the group. From there, they take more risks, including by reaching out to connect to even more people.
This Emotional Algorithm ™ will have a person being himself or herself–not a self he has to prove, defend, or hide. This individual is encouraged to be comfortable in emotionally intimate situations, which promotes emotionally secure and safe relationships.
Recently, a man from one of our groups traveled back East for a funeral and commented about how at ease he was. In a difficult situation, this individual was comfortable. People felt safe speaking to him. He said that, before working with our group, he would have been one of the most uncomfortable men at the funeral.
He just showed up. He didn’t try to do anything; he was himself. Oh yea, his marriage is rocking it as well.
Connecting to Your Partner
Today, take a moment to slow down to become aware of what you are feeling. From that place, open up to reach out to connect to someone. You don’t even need to do this with your partner. You are practicing a new skill with whoever is available. Keep practicing. Soon you will see how you are just showing up in your relationship.
Let us know how you are doing with this. I will respond.
