Tools for being Remarkable
What man doesn’t like tools? Well here are the tools you need to re-build yourself as a Remarkable Man.
This resource page is taken from to be published book – Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence™ – the 9 Steps to releasing the Remarkable Man within You. . I kept the references to the other parts of the book in this resource guide to give you a sense what the book is about.
Let’s go right to the cheapest and most powerful tool – a men’s group, or as we call them a micro as in micro-community. Throughout the book I right how a men’s group will give you what you needed. Well, we created a nonprofit and site where you can download a free guide to start and run you own men’s group. Go to www.mencorps.org and download right now the guide. Other men are starting their own groups, can do the same.
In Chapter 6 I laid out the template for getting clarity about who you are. Using that same template, let’s organize your tools.
Spirit is that part of you that is more than you. With Spirit being such a personal and unique aspect, there is not much to offer as a resource other than what I mentioned in Chapter 8. You need to go out and experience life to develop this aspect of yourself.
Of course, there are traditional religions with their churches, synagogues and mosques. but more men are exploring experiences that weren’t a part of their upbringing, such as a silent meditation retreat, or exploring Native American traditions.
Many men take on a “spiritual path” as an aspect of their development to their Remarkableness. You could incorporate meditation, ceremonies, a teacher or devotional service as a catalyst to take you deep within yourself.
There is no one way. It comes down to what draws you in and opens you up. Men who focus on developing their spiritual side do so because the tradition they are using as their guide has deep meaning to them. My suggestion is to ask your friends—both male and female—about the their traditions. People generally want to share their experiences, and introduce you to their traditions. Try a few. Go to a new church, do a Sweat Lodge, or take a meditation class. With many of these experiences, you don’t need to believe or practice the tradition to attend an event or two. But if you discover you want more, ask if there is a lineage behind what is being taught that you can explore.
A few examples of non-traditional practices and traditions, and please forgive my brevity:
Buddhism continues to grow in popularity. Just like Christianity there are many sects. Vajray?na Buddhism or Tantric Buddhism includes Tibetan Buddhism with their leader, His Holiness the Dali Lama. Zen Buddhism is associated with Japan. Buddhism, in particular, Vipassana, also called the Insight Meditation, is associated with the practice of mindfulness – being present in the moment. More on Buddism can be found here. Hinduism brought us yoga, which for some becomes a spiritual devotion. The native traditions are much less organized than religions. There are many opportunities to experience indigenous practices, but you need to work a little harder to find them.
More than just psychology, I say it is more than the mental understanding of your emotions. It is how you live your emotional life and experience your relationships with others.
Many centuries ago, we in the West separated the body and the mind. Often more associated with women, emotions were viewed as what got in women’s way in their reasoning. After centuries on having our emotions shut down, and having no models of how to enjoy them, we are lost. When women took their power back, they brought back emotions for all of us. First men tried to find our emotional selves through women–but then we lost our masculine expression of any emotion.
By the late 20th Century, the way to “deal with emotions” was to go into therapy—which can work. But most often, men enter therapy because they’re already in crisis. These days, more and more men are either turning to other interventions or getting proactive to heal themselves and learn how to have a healthy emotional life.
With the new masculinity, men are now seeking a non-feminine emotionality. It is a masculine way of being emotionally expressive. After centuries of repression, we are reinventing it and teaching each other. For years, men were allowed to be happy, funny or angry—sad, depressed, or needy were simply not permitted in “real men.” Now, when I look back over the last thirty-five years I can see the progress. The fact we as men want to find our own emotional being is huge.
In his book The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement, New York Times columnist David Brooks writes about the power and importance of our emotions and unconscious. He freely admits that as a man he is able to write about emotions, but he has yet to develop the depth of expertise with emotions that he has with his mind. But he can–and you can. Just use some of these out-of-the-box approaches.
Here is an overview of opportunities to enhance your emotional being:
When you were growing up, your mind and your emotions were probably lumped together as being the same. On top of that, traditionally psychotherapy disconnected itself from the body. This belief, that the conscious mind is in charge, is the epitome of the old masculine control perspective.
I have seen therapy that works amazingly-well for hundreds of clients and students: therapies that integrate other aspects of the self. These therapies tend to be less traditional talk-therapy and more education. The more you expand the scope of the therapy, the more graceful, powerful and sustainable the therapy. Frequently the “therapy” is not so much a therapy as it is a guided exploration.
Developed by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud, Jungian Therapy uses the unconscious, dreams and archetypes to guide clients to a higher state of wellness. Although it’s a classic therapy, it’s still considered nontraditional. There are some good Jungian therapists who don’t view psychological issues as pathologies.Jungian Therapy International Association for Analytical Psychology (IAAP) www.iaap.org
Ericksonian Hypnosis was developed by dyslexic psychiatrist Milton Erickson, MD, around the premise that it is our unconscious that is in charge. Erickson was a master at not only understanding the unconscious mind, but at using “indirection hypnosis” to effect deep change quickly. Erickson practiced in Phoenix, and passed away around the time I moved there, so I got to work with a few of his patients and students. Their stories would have you believing he was a sorcerer.
NLP (Neuro Linguist Programming) is a learning and psychology approach that is not usually seen as therapy, but was developed, in part, from Milton Erickson’s ability to speak to the unconscious. When you know how to listen and watch the subtle cues a person expresses, you can build deep rapport to create significant change.
Since I began studying Ericksonian Hypnosis and NLP in the early 1980s, both of these approaches have become semi-mainstream. Every community should have practitioners.The Milton H. Erickson Foundation www.erickson-foundation.org 602-956-6196 NLP Comprehensive www.nlpco.com 800-233-1657
Body Centered Therapy (somatic psychotherapy)
Body centered therapies are what they sound like—they use the body as an integral part of the therapy. Some integrate bodywork in the therapy, others track the body as part of the therapy. All see the body, mind and emotions as aspects of the same phenomenon.
Hakomi Therapy (mindfulness therapy)
Wilhelm Reich was an Austrian-American psychiatrist who was the first to bring the body into therapy. An old friend of mine, Ron Kurtz, took the best of Reich’s work, integrated mindfulness into his approach, and created the Hakomi method. Hakomi Therapists are more mindfulness coaches than therapists.
Hakomi Therapy is a gentle approach that is more a facilitated journey for the client than it is therapy. Rather than giving advice, the therapist guides the client, often through observing his body, to a place of his own release or awareness. A much more organic approach than traditional therapy, a Hakomi therapist will teach the client to be more aware himself, thereby needing therapy less.Hakomi Institute
www.hakomiinstitute.com 888-421-6699 United States Association for Body Psychotherapy www.usabp.org 202-466-1619 Morita Psychotherapy (mindfulness therapy) www.todoinstitute.com 802-453-4440 PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) Therapy
PTSD and its therapies have become popular in large part because of our recent wars, starting with the Vietnam War. It was the work of Peter Levine, PhD, that brought understanding and effective treatment to PTSD patients. Peter understood it was more physiological than psychological. What he taught me in the early 1980s became a foundation to all my work. You don’t need to “understand” the problem, you need to release or complete the stuck trauma. Peter’s Somatic Experiencing® is a gentle physical approach to therapy.
Pat Ogden, PhD, an old colleague of mine and former student to Ron Kurtz and Peter Levine, developed Sensorimotor Psychotherapy. Another gentle yet powerful approach to healing the body and mind Sensorimotor Psychotherapy uses the client’s own process and awareness to do the healing.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
Developed to resolve symptoms resulting from disturbing and unresolved life experiences, an EMDR therapist guides the client’s eyes as he speaks about the experience. Yes, I know this sounds “woo woo,” but it works and it’s gentle.
EFT (EmotionaI Freedom Technique)
EFT is a self-help technique that many therapists and lay people use to release the associated emotion or belief around a word or phrase, EFT involves tapping key acupuncture points while repeating a word that is linked to what you want to shift, as you relax that association.
I was very skeptical at first, but after years of watching the results, I have concluded, that these tapping techniques can be very effective. I taught it to my men’s group with interesting results.Google “EFT” and you’ll find a five-minute how-to video. Free is always good, right?Somatic Experiencing® www.somaticexperiencing.com www.traumahealing.com 303-652-4035 Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute (SPI) www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org 800-860-9258 EMDE Institute www.emdr.com EFT Universe www.eftuniverse.com
Good bodywork can change your life. Beyond the medical model of health, what’s the quality of your health? Are you old before your time? Does your body do what you want it to? Are you in pain? How can you be Remarkable if your body is holding you back?
I found that addressing my body issues holistically was both enjoyable and a short cut to deep change. My first major holistic health and bodywork experience was in 1976. After being convinced by a roommate who had given up his law practice to train as a Rolfer®, I gave Rolfing® a try. After ten sessions and nine months of integration I was twenty-five pounds lighter and three-quarters of an inch taller. More than that, I was relaxed for the first time in my life.
I was hooked. I spent the next four years in Boulder, Colorado, learning Rolfing® and everything else I could learn, including Ron Kurtz’s work.
There are so many good forms of bodywork out there, I can’t keep track of them any longer. Here are a few of the classics.
Rolfing® was developed by Ida Rolf, PhD, in the 1960s as a way to fix structural problems that had been diagnosed “unfixable” by medical doctors. With the counter culture taking off, Dr. Rolf’s work found fertile ground.
Rolfing® quickly became known for transforming a client’s emotional life, too. We store all our old stress, trauma and emotions in our body’s fascia system (the connective tissue that holds you together). Over time, that tension builds from injury and/or stress, and becomes self-perpetuating. Much of what we think of as unavoidable aging is this cumulative effect of stress. You are your body. If your body is limited, you are limited. Why make it harder on yourself when it can be easy?
When you’re tight and stressed, your fascia essentially becomes a suit, covering your body, that is two sizes two small. How well do you move when your clothes are too tight? A tight, misaligned body’s quality of functioning decreases, which adds more stress. By releasing that tension, you actually create more room for your skeleton and organs. Remember that lightness you experienced as a kid? You can have that again.
Rolfing® clients often tell me that after a few sessions, they’ve gotten more psychological change than from a couple years of psychotherapy. Your mind can’t change significantly if your body isn’t also changing.
Rolfing® works best for conditions or goals related to structure, stress and soft tissue issues. Outside those issues, I recommend other therapies.
When people call me for a recommendation for another Rolfer®, I suggest they don’t see a “gentle Rolfer®,” particularly if it’s a man. Gentle Rolfing® is like a light massage and will not work for a man. Good Rolfing® is like a good stretch—uncomfortable at first but helps you really release.www.align.org (my site) www.rolfhub.com (an information site) Rolf Institute (the certification organization) www.rolf.org (not all ‘Rolfers’ are Rolfer – check here to make sure) 800-530-8875
The Feldenkrais Method®
A contemporary of Dr. Rolf, Moshe Feldenkrais, PhD, developed a body therapy that improves your movement through very gentle movements that either you do or someone does to you. The changes might not be as dramatic as Rolfing®, but their scope of practice is wider. They can work with neurological issues that Rolfing® is general not effective with. Like with Rolfing®, the Feldenkrais Method® work will impact your emotional state.Feldenkrais Guild www.feldenkrais.com 800-775-2118
There are dozens of types of massages. I love massage. You can get some of the results of Rolfing® over a longer time with a good massage therapist. Don’t go for the light, fluffy massage; go for the ”therapeutic massage” that really gets in there. It doesn’t have to be called “deep tissue” to be good. As with Rolfing® you should NOT feel beat up afterward! Truthfully, if you are tense it may hurt in the beginning. As you relax, it becomes more pleasurable.American Massage Therapy Association (AMTA) www.amtamassage.org 877-905-0577
After hundreds of years of refinement, and numerous recent scientific studies.You know this works Using acupuncture and the herbs used in Oriental Medicine, I have seen amazing results with myself and my clients.
Oriental Medicine’s scope of practice is the broadest of all these, and its focus is to treat the cause, not just the symptoms. I have seen people cured with Oriental Medicine when their doctors said their conditions were incurable.
Rather than using acupuncture needles, practitioners push those same points with their fingers. Like all bodywork, this feels great and can produce sustainable results over time.National Certification Commission for Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine (NCCAOM®) www.nccaom.org 904-598-1005
Acupressure has no overseeing organization
We limit ourselves with our view that the mind is only the conscious part of us that actively thinks. More than your thoughts, your mind is your beliefs, how you see the world. and what you feed your mind—as your own thoughts and what you “consume” mentally (what you read, watch, see, spend time doing, whom you spend time with, etc.)
Over the last decade personal coaching has taken off. There are schools that teach it and organizations that “certify” coaches. However, many of the best coaches I know of never took a professional coaching program.
The limitation of some coaching is that it is only that: coaching. Being told what to do and held accountable will produce change. My wish for you is that you are in co-creation with your coach to create what you want. Traditional psychotherapy can spend all the time analyzing the problem. Traditional coaching spends all the time focused on performing.
Pushing through a block will often cause the breakthrough; but other times it can drive the underlying issue deeper. You need a skilled coach who can see this distinction and knows how to work with it so you not only to release that block, but it stays released.
There are several self-appointed organizations, but no true overseeing organization.
Group trainings started in the 1960s with the “encounter groups.” They became big business when Werner Erhard created est in the 1970s. est got people off their asses. It was a psychological boot camp where the trainers would broke participants down, then built them up using their model. Their model would work better, they claimed, but still it was their model, one-size-fits-all. While it has its limitations, I have seen men use the new est, now called Landmark Education Forums as a catalyst to changing their lives.Landmark Forum (for profit) www.landmarkeducation.com 415-981-8850 Insight Seminars (nonprofit) www.insightseminars.org 800-311-8001
After years of training men how to start and lead men’s group, we created Free to Win to train and support men and their groups. Because we continued to receive requests to teach our approach men’s groups we developed a training and mentoring program that teach men how to go deep.
The granddaddy of men’s training is put on by the ManKind Project (MKP), an international nonprofit that conducts weekend trainings around the world. When I did their New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) weekend training in 1995, I was very impressed. Up to 40 participants, with a staff of 60 men, all pay to be there (except the leader of the weekend). As a nonprofit, no one is walking away with making money on this. Quite the opposite, you have a group of committed men spending a long weekend to make a difference in other men’s lives.
Their NWTA is mostly experiential. You don’t spend a weekend sitting on your ass. You are having a variety of experiences with men of all ages and backgrounds. Once you complete the training, MKP has a network of men’s groups around the world that you can join if you want to. I did the training because I wanted to join one of their groups. These groups can be life changing.
MDI is another nonprofit that has a network of “teams” or groups throughout the United States. It’s a smaller organization than MKP, but no less committed. After meeting a few of the leader of this organization, I can attest to their dedication to helping men. They also sponsor an annual conference bringing together both men and women.
Sterling Institute, a for-profit organization, sponsors weekend trainings for men and women separately. Started in California in 1979, their trainings are conducted on both coasts.
David Deida, author of The Way of the Superior Man, conducts workshops for men and women. Deida is provocative. He gets men thinking about who they are in relationship to their purpose, sexuality and women. He brings spirituality and sexuality to men’s work. He irritated me at first, but then I looked beyond his confrontational style of presentation and admitted he was on to something.Free to win www.freetowin.co email@example.com (the company we created to support men’s group and men) ManKind Project www.MKP.org 800-870-4611 MDI www.mdisuccess.com firstname.lastname@example.org (no phone number) Sterling Institute www.sterling-institute.com 510- 836-1400 David Deida www.deida.info email@example.com (no phone number) The Vets Journey Home www.vetsjourneyhome.org 800-236-4692
Men learning to relate to women
If growing or growing up isn’t enough motivation to read this book and do the work, maybe women are. Virtually every single man wants to improve his ability to attract the woman he wants. Then once he “has her” he needs guidance on what to do to keep her—and keep her and himself happy and fulfilled in the relationship.
A new breed of trainings, evolved beyond a “pickup workshop” and focusing on being real, is now popular. The core of these trainings, interestingly, reflect exactly what is taught in this book: the fact that being authentic attracts women with no effort. Rather than learning a set of pickup lines, you learn how to be yourself with women. Simple concept, not always easy to execute; we all have limiting beliefs and behaviors around women.
Men often retreat into their shyness, or expand out into their macho bravo around women. Both are reactions that women don’t trust. That’s not to say these reactions can’t attract a woman; but if you want a real, mature, honest relationship, you need to be real to attract the woman you want in your life.
When men follow the steps outlined in this book, they shift, their interactions with women shift and their relationship to women shifts. To shorten and enhance this learning curve, men do these trainings to unlearn unconscious behaviors, and learn how being themselves is a turn-on for a woman.
From watching the videos from the Authentic Men Program (AMP) and having a few men from our groups attend their trainings I can say the men and women who put on these trainings are authentic themselves. I have to laugh because it’s so obvious that these trainers bigger passion is not men getting women, it is men getting themselves. They brilliantly use men attracting women as a way to teach men how to be real.
Alison Armstrong started trying to understand men, so that the men she dated would be more to her liking. She realized that the problem wasn’t the men, it was her. She needed to grow, she needed to learn to understand men and appreciate them. She built her training business around teaching women how to understand men. She also offers trainings to men about men and women. She is a dynamic and passionate speaker, and I’ve heard feedback from everyone who has watched her DVDs that it changed their relationships for the better.Authentic Man Program (AMP) www.authenticmanprogram.com 415-308-0910 Art of Charm www.theartofcharm.com 888-413-7177 Alison Armstrong www.understandmen.com 800-418-9924
Mindfulness Stress Reduction Program
Mindfulness Stress Reduction Program (MSRP) was developed by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn in 1979 at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. Being featured in the Bill Moyers’ PBS documentary Healing and the Mind put it on the map. Today it has grown into an international network of health professionals teaching an eight-week course to kids, prisoners, super- stressed-out Type As, and anyone seeking more clarity.
As I’ve explained, mindfulness teaches your mind and body to relax, thereby changing your health and life. Anyone can do it—and I mean anyone! When I taught it, there were always men and women who made me wonder if they would stick with it, or get any benefit from the course. In every case they hung in there to receive more than they expected.
Virtually every city has at least one program. Often they are offered at hospitals. Back in the 1990s, when we were the largest provider of Mindfulness courses in Phoenix, Arizona, health insurance paid for the course because of the demonstrable, measurable benefits.
My business partner at the Scottsdale Institute of Health and Medicine is involved with a proven online mindfulness course taught at emindfulness. Over the years this company mastered teaching mindfulness virtually. It is that simple and easy now.Center for Mindfulness www.umassmed.edu/cfm/stress 508-856-2656 emindfulness www.emindful.com 772-569-4540
Intro to Mindfulness
Sexual energy and vitality
Your relationship to sex—including any shame around your sexuality—will have an effect on you. You vitality is your life force. You can be an “old man” and be very vital; you can be a young man and chronically fatigued. Your sexual and vital energy affect your creativity, so when you have energy, you want to create and it’s easy.
Owning our sexuality is a stretch for most men—too much so for some men, and that’s OK. Often working on all the other aspects will profoundly affect your sexuality. Having your body and mind relax will allow you to accept and enjoy your sexuality.
Sexual training organizations usually conduct co-ed trainings. They start at a low level of risk, then progress to higher levels in later trainings. Over the years I have known many men and women who attended these trainings. I can’t recall any of them regretting it. Some go to release themselves from shame about their sexuality, others to heal a dysfunction, and some go to improve their relationships or pleasure.
Quodoushka Workshops (the Q) are offered by the Deer Tribe, a group of mixed-blood teachers out of the Native American tradition. They take their task seriously: safety and confidentiality are the cornerstones of their trainings, which are offered around the world. A few years ago, I brought Mukee Okan, one of the Q instructors, to my town for a workshop for our men’s group and their partners. She was a hit with both the men and the women. Just speaking about sex was hugely healing.
The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality is a graduate school approved to train sexologists. There is also the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, which trains professionals in a more academic manner.Quodoushka Workshops www.quodoushka.org contact is via web form Kinsey Institute at Indiana University www.kinseyinstitute.org 812-855-7686
The books that started the men’s movement:
Iron John: A Book About Men. First published in 1991, author Robert Bly, a poet, wanted to wake men up to what was buried within them. Bly uses Grimm’s Fairy Tales and the Wild Man as the metaphor to teach men how to be more than just sensitive or macho. This book started the mythopoetic men’s movement.
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine. Written by Robert Moore, PhD, and Douglas Gillette in 1990, this book reads like an academic text. Moore lays out the typology for the four archetypes that is used in much of the men’s work. They also wrote four books on the structure of male archetypes, based on Jungian psychology, and have CDs available of their work. Here’s more information on the archetypes and a videos explaining each.
Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man. Written by Sam Keen in 1991, this book is an anthem for men to leave the old masculinity behind to find a new relationship with themselves and women.
A Circle of Men: The Original Manual for Men’s Support Groups. Written by Bill Kauth, one of the three founders of the ManKind Project, this book lays out the fundamentals of starting a men’s group. Kauth’s information continues to be relevant today.
Books teaching men to not be women
The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida, is a quick read on how to leave the macho and sensitive archetypes for what he calls the “third stage man”–a man of purpose. He doesn’t focus on giving you many how to’s. His intent is to wake you up. Here is a video review of the book.
No More Mr. Nice Guy! Psychologist Robert Glover, PhD explains how a nice guy is actually trying to please others while neglecting his own needs. We use this book, as well as Deida’s, for new men in our groups to wake up dormant parts of themselves. With so many of us spending more time with women in our youth we learned to be nice to survive. This book can teach you to be nice without giving up yourself.
Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul. This Christian version of Iron John, written by John Eldredge, challenges Christian men to return to authentic masculinity. Eldredge too is encouraging men to wake up and step out of the cultural fog.
No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice—Instead of Good—Hurts Men, Women And Children. Paul Coughlin builds on John Eldredge and Robert Glover to give Christian men a how-to manual on being gentle and bold.
Boys to men
Guyland by Michael Kimmel, PhD, is a book about young men wanting to hangout as adolescents having fun and not wanting to grow up.
Iron Man Family Outing : Poems About Transition Into A More Conscious Manhood. For those who like to use poetry as catalyst to their growth you may find Rick Belden’s book based on his dreams a benefit.
A list of other men’s book via Amazon under the list: Books by MKP Men
None men’s books
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self. Alice Miller explains how as parents we live our incomplete lives through our children, condemning them to the same fate we endured.
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, Steven Pressfield, author of The Legend of Bagger Vance and other novels, writes about how to overcome resistance.
The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (and When to Stick). Seth Godin explains how achievement comes from hanging in through the dip, that tough stretch when there is a lot of work and little reward.
Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? Here Seth Godin tells you how you are indispensable, we need you. Godin gives you a roadmap on how to produce your product or gift so we all can benefit.
The Hero with a Thousand Faces. In this classic, Joseph Campbell explains through mythology, literature and history how a person travels through transformation–intended or not.
The Healing Path: A Soul Approach to Illness. Marc Ian Barasch describes his, and others’, healing journeys, which parallel the Hero’s Journey and Evolutionary Change™.
Wherever You Go, There You Are. Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, lays out what mindfulness is and how to do it in this easy-to-read book.
Focusing. Written by Eugene Gendlin, PhD, the book lays out a simple, yet powerful way for you to release emotional and mental restrictions by yourself.
Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body. A user-friendly book on trauma from Peter Levine, PhD.
Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. The most thorough book on understanding and treating trauma I’ve read, by Pat Ogden PhD.
Body-Centered Psychotherapy. Ron Kurtz explains the simple principles of body-centered Hakomi therapy. You will learn how to do this powerful therapy, and you will learn how to better communicate with people.
Rolfing and Physical Reality. Ida Rolf’s, Ph,D, book on Rolfing.
Awareness Through Movement: Easy-to-Do Health Exercises to Improve Your Posture, Vision, Imagination, and Personal Awareness. Moshe Feldenkrais’s, PhD, introduction to his work.
Song of the Deer: The Great Sundance Journey of the Soul. Thunder Strikes, a Native American shaman, wrote this shamanic road map to authenticity.
There is an entire site, Masculinity Movies that catalog movies that address the male archetype. Movies are not only entertaining, the also teach us on a deep level. Grow and enjoy – watch a few of these movies.
I have hundreds of posts concerning men’s issues, which, in themselves, could be a valuable resource. I take many of the specific topics of the book and dive deeper into them in these posts, while also giving you resources to explore on your own. You can sign up for the Toolbox for Change, a subscription that is more than just a newsletter. You can join the conversation on any post and you can join the community. Use the site–it’s free.
One additional website is the Man-Making site’s resource page list other sites and useful resources. The site Men’s Stuff is another resource for men. The Redwood Men’s Center also created a resource list.
I started a group for both men and women on LinkedIn. It is free – you are invited to join.
If you have a resource you would like to share, please do so on the site. We are in this together.
Use these resources
If you are stuck in one aspect, give yourself some space to move on, or move around it. If you feel like you can’t make any progress in your mind, for example, move your focus to your body, or your spirit.
I offer all this as a guide. Obviously, there is no guarantee that any one suggestion will be the magic bullet. I suggest you explore the ones that appeal to you. Do you feel called to explore your spirituality? Then do it.
If you want to be brave, take on one that is a stretch for you. If the idea of exploring your sexuality terrifies you, you can start there.
In all cases, do your due diligence. Check out the group or person. If you don’t have a good feeling, go someplace else. Trust your instincts. The best technique can have mediocre practitioners; conversely, some obscure technique that has a good practitioner who knows what he or she is doing could be exactly what you need. It is very unlike that any of this could do you any harm, so take a risk. Bottom-line, let your experience be the judge. If you feel safe and it makes some kind of sense, give it three times.
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