In our last post, we explored the struggle faced when we’re trapped in a job or life that we no longer want.
Feeling trapped, we often feel alone. On our free Global Community Calls and Drop-in Groups, men come back from their Zoom breakout groups with men they have never met before saying, “I thought I was the only one.”
As we get older, we have fewer and fewer friends, particularly close ones. As a client recently pointed out to me, many of those friends are professional friends. These friends are related to our work and our performance, not like the friends we had when we were young. Remember what it was like to hang out with friends just because they were friends?
Being isolated is not healthy, let alone fun. We are social animals. We need to have friends, yet we move through life without the support of friends. Being trapped, we feel more frozen in our isolation. We don’t know where and how to reach out.
It’s our partners who create our social life. Speaking to men who lost their partners, they often feel alone. They not only lost their partner, but they also lost a friend.
As hard as it is, the sooner you take the risk and reach out for connection, the sooner you begin to escape the box you are in.
We often believe we need to have THE PLAN before we can act. NO! Have your plan be to connect. View it as earning a new skill. With practice, it will become fun. With connection, you will feel safer and clearer about what your plan should be.
Science now tells us that when we connect with another, our nervous system syncs and relaxes. This co-regulation allows us not to focus on external variables, i.e., are we safe. We begin to slow down to enjoy the pleasures of being human.
I’m a guy. I’ve worked with thousands of men over the years. I know we become deer in the headlights around connecting to other men in authentic ways. I cheated. Many years ago, I created a men’s group hoping that I could connect in a real way with other men.
I too came away saying, “I thought I was the only one”. I developed friendships that exceeded what I thought possible — my standard was low.
Please take the risk; reach out.
We’ve made it easy. We have created ways for men to dip their toes into the experience of authentic connection. EVRYMAN created free and fun ways to be human. Join us on one of our Zoom calls.
In our next post, we will explore how to free yourself from your traps.