Stop apologizing
Why as men do we to apologize for what we didn’t do?
In this video below more than a dozen men reading the “Manifesto for Conscious Men,” they drone on for more than 8 minutes, apologizing for what our ancestors did. Don’t get me wrong—I realize that over the last 2,000 years, the “white man culture” has perpetrated countless atrocities against women, children and other men.
Until recently, women haven’t had a voice to speak up against these injustices. Through their courage and persistence, they have a voice now. In fact, their voice woke men up and encouraged us to speak out against the same culture that imprisoned us—grant you, in a less extreme way.
As I forced myself to sit there to the end of the video, I had conflicting feelings. I want to acknowledge the pain women have suffered, and continue to suffer, because of our masculine-dominated culture. But to keep apologizing for what we, as men today, didn’t do makes me sick. I wanted to shout, “Men, where are your balls?! Stop giving away your power! Stand up and say who YOU are, and what YOU are doing to help create a world that honors all of us.”
Being a sensitive man
I grew up learning to be a “sensitive man.” And it worked. Women loved that I “understood” them. I was sincere, and it was an act at the same time. It got me women I wouldn’t have otherwise had as lovers. What it didn’t get me was respect—from myself or from the women. I was being a wimp!
I know it is still politically incorrect to tell men to stop apologizing. But men, stop sucking up to women; that’s not what they want! You’re patronizing them! Yes, they appreciate being honored for what they endured in our masculine culture—as a sex and an individual. But the women I know are tired of the sucking up. They want men to stand up, to stop living our lives based on what we think will please a woman. Live your life based on what works for everyone, including yourself. Then you’ll respect yourself, and women will respect you.
I asked the men in my men’s group for their feedback on the video—without stating my positions. Here are excerpts of what I got back:
I loved it. The battle of the sexes is about to end with both sides the victor. I see it and feel it. The video presents a valid statement but not quite “how” we achieve this state of unity? Letting go of our masculine is not the answer. Birthing a new man, keeping the power, the love, the warrior, and letting go of all the attributes of the old age that did not serve the Earth and our relationship with ALL living things on it.
I was almost immediately put off by the apology. It felt overboard and pandering. New age fluffy. I didn’t even finish the video. I acknowledge all the challenges of the feminine in our world. I don’t feel like apology is necessary. I do feel like working to show up differently in this world is important.
Men, let’s leave the new age hyperbole behind. What do we really feel and want? Take a stand; be willing to be perceived as not a nice guy. Don’t keep talking about what you are sorry for. What are you going to do to make this world a better place for all of us?
Women, what do you want from men? Men what do you really want to say?
