When is the last time you played? When was the last time you teased a friend? When was the last time you had a belly laugh? For me it was last night in our group.
How to judge the health of an organization
After our meeting last night I realized that there is no better way to judge a group or an organization than by how much they are laughing. Think about it, if you had a choice to work for two equal companies for comparable salaries; when you walked into the first company they were seriously focused on work and when walked into the second company everyone was laughing – what company would you want to work for?
In this TED video sent by one of our group members, David Mabelle, primatologist Isabel Behncke Izquierdoh shows how our ancestors, the bonobo ape society learns from constantly playing both solo and with friends.
Over the six years of evolution of our men’s groups here in Sandpoint, there were times when the fun, play and laughter left the group(s). The departure of laughter showed me that something was wrong. The loss can be gradual, but at some point you will realize that no one is laughing any longer.
If you want an optimally productive organization, fun has to be an integral part of it. You need to bring the laughter back. Do whatever you have to get it back. When I did corporate consulting and training, I immediately knew the state of health of an organization by how much laughter I heard. I also knew we were successful when the laughter returned.
How to bring the laughter back
Do what it takes to get it back. Often it means getting honest – speaking the unspeakable. There can be a denied belief or feeling hanging out that no one wants to speak. We have seen this in our groups. It might be projected on to one person or a few people – but it is a group collusion that is occurring. The ‘darkside’ only exists because others are allowing the perpetuators of the heaviness to rule.
As much as we may want to believe that as men we are brave and honest, often we default to the agreed upon lie. It might be a slow loss of laughter so we aren’t aware of the lie’s power, or it’s an immediate bomb shell that gets dropped. Either way, there can’t be laughter until there is trust and there can’t be trust until there is honesty.
Would you want to trust others when there is a lie hanging out? In some way you’re feeling, “How the hell will you have my back when you can’t even acknowledge the truth.” That said, you could be the man who says the emperor has no clothes. You could be the man who brings truth and trust back. Until someone starts the return of honesty and trust there will be no laughter or fun.
Once there is an environment that is safe, then a few men need to risk raising the bar to the fun level. The first few times after the stress leaves will be risky. It’s not unlike risking asking a woman out after she said no once before. You may screw up, you may get rejected. After a period of everyone living in the state of protection because of the un-safeness of the lie(s), the first few times of risking fun is a step into a new territory. It is ok if you are afraid as illogical as it might seem. Take a deep breath and tell that joke.
Once returned, you need to keep tending the garden of fun. Don’t allow the weeds and predators in to destroy what you create. Encourage risk, fun, mistakes and love. Acknowledge risk while honoring mistakes. When it is ok to continue to expand who a man is being through fun, he will keep growing, learning and creating. What organization wouldn’t want a man like that?
It is the responsibility of the organization be it a billion dollar corporation or a weekly men’s group to create the fertile ground for fun to show up. Play is in us, we need to play. We are at our best when we are playing.
Where will you speak the unspeakable so fun can show up? Where will you shift the energy to laughter?
