One Woman’s Atonement to Men

This is a guest post by Blair Glaser – she moved me. Enjoy.

It is that time of year when, as a woman born into the Jewish faith, I am reminded of the need to renew and atone. I don’t really believe in sins and celestial forgiveness, but I do believe in the calling to return to AT-ONE-MENT, as it were.

When Owen asked me to guest blog, I was thrilled at the possibility of writing for men, something I don’t often get to do. But as an advice writer, I could not find it in my heart to give any — to add more wisdom to the enormous pile many men are sorting through as part of the arduous journey of discovering one’s manhood in these unmoored times.

I decided instead on behalf of all, or many women — I certainly don’t pretend to speak for us all — to atone. In the Yom Kippur service, there is a confessional prayer, in which we name all the sins we likely have committed over the year, and then apologize for them.

Please accept this repentance, to the extent that it applies to you.

It’s not perfect. But it is from the heart.

Atonement Prayer from Women to Men:

1) For all the times we have criticized your choice of attire, in private and in public, we are sorry.

2) For all the times we have mistook you for our girlfriend, or a mind-reader, and chastised you for not behaving as such, though clearly you are neither a woman or a mind reader, we are sorry.

3) For all the times we have unintentionally lured you into the gravitational pull of our hormonal surges, or our unhealed wounds, we are sorry.

4) For all the times we have made you feel that your even-keeled, rational and logical ways of knowing were inferior to our intuitive, kinesthetic and analytic ways of knowing, we are sorry.

5) For all the times you have gone overboard to please us, and we have not been pleased, but instead focused on the one thing you forgot, we are sorry.

6) For all the times we misread your need for space as a personal rejection, even if that need was not articulated outright but expressed in some confusing way, we are sorry.

7) For all the times we have denounced your ardent sexuality as primitive, whilst sending mixed signals about wanting to be treated primitively when we lay together, we are sorry.

8) For all the times we hated our bodies and used our self-hate to reject you or defend ourselves from your penetrating love, we are sorry.

9) For all the times we were right, and did not refrain from rubbing it in your face, we are sorry.

10) For all the times we did not appreciate the depth of your struggle to be a good and respectable human being, while attempting to be true to yourself, amidst a pile of shame that isn’t yours but was inherited by you, and we forgot the glory of who you are and the sensitivity you posses underneath it, WE ARE SORRY.

Amen.

Here’s to another year to do better by each other.

Blair Glaser, MA, LCAT, RDT is a therapist, advisor and mentor who helps people excel on the twin journeys of loving and leading. She works in private practice with individuals and couples, consults with business leaders and their organizations, and has become a pioneer of Women’s Leadership through her workshops and offerings. She lives in Woodstock and Brooklyn, NY with her partner and their dog.Follow Blair on twitter — @BlairGlaser or visit her at www.blairglaser.com

Photo by Jeremy Blanchard via Compfight