How Do You Hold Space?

The American Southwest - Not far from Mars... ...
Image by kevindooley via Flickr

Have you ever been around someone who is attempting to hold the space, really consciously hold it? It can be tense.  But “holding” of a space is not actually a holding—it’s the opposite. You make it inviting, so others want to really show up, be fully present, and everyone gets the most from your interaction.

No healing or true experience of joy can occur unless the space is safe. Even if your head is saying it is safe or should be safe, if your gut is tense, it’s not safe. True, the tension may be based on your experiences. But no matter where the tension comes from, you will be holding back.

You create a safe space by first fully accepting yourself and your experience, then accepting the person you are with. So rather than holding the space, you fill the space with acceptance, for yourself and anyone who comes in it.

To be authentic you need to push through the feelings of control. Then you need to deal with the other person’s resistance to spontaneity. It may be work. If you are like me, you often chose not to try.

Let go

Start experimenting with how much you can let go of control, expectations, fear, etc. Fill the space with acceptance so the other person can show up fully. To speed up the process, take it further by taking a risk. Share a feeling, make yourself vulnerable. Your risk shows the other person that you and the space are safe.

Observe how he or she relaxes and opens up. Observe what that does to you. Experience how your acceptance fills the space, holding a space of possibilities.

Whatever happens is ok. The shadow side of yourself, with its judgments, is just released making it safe for everyone.

Let us know how this works for you.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Tags:

How Do You Hold Space?

5 Responses

  1. it works!!!!! I try to put my full attention in the person with me, i still feel my reactions and emotions as they are brought up to me, but i choose not to react at them and keep my attention in this person… i get my answers, i have been taken to different places within me.

    Ximena November 20, 2009 at 11:24 pm #
    • Thanks -

      It does work. I wish someone taught me this when I was a kid. It would have made my life easier…

      Owen

      Owen Marcus November 22, 2009 at 7:03 pm #
  2. This worked for me. I asked archangels to help clear the space of lower level negativity,irrational fears and judgements and the person beside me revealed childhood emotions and secrets. I created a safe space for the other person and dident talk or try to "fix" them or their problems, i just listened attentively. Here is an oracle card to describe this process:

    http://www.soulmateoracle.com/oracle/card/witness

    Petra December 19, 2009 at 10:53 pm #
  3. Good description. I googled "hold the space" because I work with someone who uses this phrase a lot. Now I understand what she is doing and it is really beautiful. It makes me aware of how knotted my stomach gets sometimes. This is good stuff.

    ttfn May 15, 2010 at 4:52 am #
  4. ttfn,

    Thanks. Holding a space takes work, but once you can do it you have a quiet power.

    OwenMarcus May 15, 2010 at 2:51 pm #

Leave a Reply