How to Get More… love, sex, joy

What guy doesn’t want to get more attention, affection or sex?

Can you remember when the lust between the two of you could burn down the room? Just one word or look and you’d be tearing off each others’ clothes. Then one day you realize those experiences are distant memories.

You still love her. You don’t believe you need therapy (and certainly don’t want to go). You hear your friends complain of living in a “passion desert” too. What happened?

You’re a smart guy. What do you think happened? Life happened. Both men and women these days live busy lives, stressful lives. You are using your survival physiology, which is not linked to your sex drive. Gradually the chores of life took over the space and time of passion.

If you had it once, you can get it back. Actually, even if you never had it, you can create it.

It is simple, fun and effective. You have nothing to lose, so try it!

Hunt her

Remember in the beginning how it felt for both of you when you pursued her? It was fun. You had more energy. You had a reason to get up in the morning. You had something to brag about and tease your buddies about.

Bring back that hunt. Not only will you come alive, so will she. Women want to be pursued. (Obviously, I’m not talking about the creepy kind of pursuit.)

The more you are real, the more you both will get out of this. One reason the passion was so hot in the beginning was that it was all at risk. There was no guarantee that you would have it. There were minor wins, yet you hadn’t captured your prey yet. One second you are unsure and nervous. The next your biology is driving the bus. Then your heart opens as you speak a deep truth. Part of falling in love was you letting go of your masks because she was accepting you, as you were accepting all of her.

The more innocent and playful you are, the more powerful you will be as a hunter. As a good hunter you will be hyper-attentive to the littlest responses. Then, without thinking, you will know how to frame your next interaction. Will it be with humor, will it be with racy language, or will it be with seduction? You’ll know.

She wants to be hunted

When you are pursuing her, she knows you are interested in her. Yes, she knows you love her, but now what about desire? That desire of lust, the one where you just want her.

You are telling her that she is loveable in spite of what she feels is an imperfect body, older skin and the loss of the mystery. You know how women are “illogical.” So stop being logical. All your reasoning with her will not convince her she is lovable—until you pursue her. It’s not about persuading her head; it’s about turning her on and proving to her that you think she’s sexy.

Hunting her awakens a primordial response in you. These days, with all the roles a woman has, she is often the hunter in the world outside your bedroom. We all know how well women can do these tasks. She manages her job, the house, the kids and countless other little details every day. She makes a thousand decisions a day to benefit everyone else. She is doing all day long. She’s tired.  When her man’s focus is pursuing her, though, all she has to do is accept the pursuit.

When you are hunting her she knows where you are and where your focus is. That alone is a huge relief for her. Women do need constant reassurance from men. It’s not a weakness of theirs, it’s just a fact. When she hasn’t talked to you, really talked to you, in a while, a few of her brain cells are thinking, “Does he still like me? Does he still find me attractive? Is he interested in someone else?” You may think all these questions are ridiculous. As illogical as they may be, and as much as women recognize that they are illogical, it’s still their reality. You don’t need to understand how that is possible. Just accept it and move on.

When you are hunting her, she relaxes. She now knows in her gut that you love her, find her attractive and want her. She doesn’t need to ask her friends – you are speaking her language.

Photo by xlordashx
This post is the first in a series of three.

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