My men’s group recently updated our principles that we the group organize around. After seven years we went back and looked all our principles and protocols that we developed over the years to see what was or wasn’t serving us any longer. We kept most of what we had.

Below are the core principles we base the group on. You could say each man strives to embody these principles in their daily life. I attempt to live my life at this level, there are times when I falter, and when I do I have a focus to get me back on track.

Circle of Brothers

We live a new vision of being a man. Through ceremony and practice, we initiate each man deeper into full maturity. Going beyond friends, we develop the intimacy that only comes from integrity. The wholeness that occurs from each man being a leader connecting to something beyond himself creates a group of sustaining success in all aspects of life.

Fierce Love

We challenge and support each other, often in the same breath.  The energy created is palpable, able to penetrate deflection.  We care and feel “sweetly held” by each other.  We are willing to give our love freely.  We offer each other our compassionate truth.  We name the unspoken and are willing to put relationships at risk for the sake of truth and growth.  We create the energy necessary to constantly become superior men.

Our Container

In the sanctuary of the group, we maintain safety and complete confidentiality – which raises the bar to be free in the circle.  We hold ourselves, and each other, to our individual and collective commitments.  We ask for what we want.  We honor and value each other, often with laughter and tears.  We ‘let it rip’ with purpose and vision.  With our intuition and love, we sense the dissonance and deflect the deflection. Through our ability to be present with others and ourselves, we accept that we sit in a ‘circle of mirrors’ feeling how truth resonates through the circle.

Bringing Our Full Self

We share from our gut, heart, and full body.  We are willing to go “all in”.  We are open to the moment, with unguarded humbleness.  We move into our bodies, bringing a willingness to reveal and express our feelings.  We surrender into feeling, owning our emotions.  We tap the richness of our unconscious and our dark side and manifest that energy into positive awareness and action.  We value depth over breadth.  We step into our fear, risk vulnerability and move forward without collapsing. We notice and appreciate what is working in our lives. We courageously bring our unguarded optimism and affirm our ability to manifest our intentions.

What We Bring Into the World

We gain energy in our time together, each carrying this energy back into his life.  We feel deep gratitude and see more beauty in the world.  We feel a stronger connection to ourselves, to our surroundings, and to our environment.  We accelerate change in our lives and step clear of victimhood.  We feel a stronger connection to ourselves, our family and community, and a deeper connection to our sexuality.  Our lives are improved and we stand in stronger service to the world. We offer this love to our planet as the seed for the change we model.

You too could have you own rocking men’s group… just go to Men Corps and give us your email and you will be able to down load what you need to start and run a kickass group. Really, you can do it. Men Corps will help.

Photo By daily sunny

Stop apologizing

Why as men do we to apologize for what we didn’t do?

Image via Wikipedia

In this video below more than a dozen men reading the “Manifesto for Conscious Men,” they drone on for more than 8 minutes, apologizing for what our ancestors did. Don’t get me wrong—I realize that over the last 2,000 years, the “white man culture” has perpetrated countless atrocities against women, children and other men.

Until recently, women haven’t had a voice to speak up against these injustices. Through their courage and persistence, they have a voice now. In fact, their voice woke men up and encouraged us to speak out against the same culture that imprisoned us—grant you, in a less extreme way.

As I forced myself to sit there to the end of the video, I had conflicting feelings. I want to acknowledge the pain women have suffered, and continue to suffer, because of our masculine-dominated culture. But to keep apologizing for what we, as men today, didn’t do makes me sick. I wanted to shout, “Men, where are your balls?! Stop giving away your power! Stand up and say who YOU are, and what YOU are doing to help create a world that honors all of us.”

Being a sensitive man

I grew up learning to be a “sensitive man.” And it worked. Women loved that I “understood” them. I was sincere, and it was an act at the same time. It got me women I wouldn’t have otherwise had as lovers. What it didn’t get me was respect—from myself or from the women. I was being a wimp!

I know it is still politically incorrect to tell men to stop apologizing. But men, stop sucking up to women; that’s not what they want! You’re patronizing them! Yes, they appreciate being honored for what they endured in our masculine culture—as a sex and an individual. But the women I know are tired of the sucking up. They want men to stand up, to stop living our lives based on what we think will please a woman. Live your life based on what works for everyone, including yourself. Then you’ll respect yourself, and women will respect you.

I asked the men in my men’s group for their feedback on the video—without stating my positions. Here are excerpts of what I got back:

I loved it.  The battle of the sexes is about to end with both sides the victor.  I see it and feel it.  The video presents a valid statement but not quite “how” we achieve this state of unity?  Letting go of our masculine is not the answer. Birthing a new man, keeping the power, the love, the warrior, and letting go of all the attributes of the old age that did not serve the Earth and our relationship with ALL living things on it.

I was almost immediately put off by the apology. It felt overboard and pandering. New age fluffy. I didn’t even finish the video. I acknowledge all the challenges of the feminine in our world. I don’t feel like apology is necessary. I do feel like working to show up differently in this world is important.

Men, let’s leave the new age hyperbole behind. What do we really feel and want? Take a stand; be willing to be perceived as not a nice guy. Don’t keep talking about what you are sorry for. What are you going to do to make this world a better place for all of us?

Women, what do you want from men? Men what do you really want to say?

An older man speaking to younger men. What you do for us So why do we need young men? Well, they fight our wars, seed the next generation, do the grunt work of building an economy, and are our professional athletes. But beyond capitalizing on their young, strong bodies, why do we need young men? [...]